Making Tamales by Myself

It is okay that I wish I had a Mexican grandmother?

Photo taken by author

During the holidays, it hits me that I miss having a big family and lots of family gatherings. I think what I miss most is a relationship with the past and future. This relationship might give me a connection to people that have come before, and the ability to pass traditions on to the future.

I grew up separated from both of my parents’ families by about a thousand miles in each direction. And because we went to a school with a non-traditional school year, we didn’t have a winter break and never visited relatives during the Christmas holiday.

I always liked our small family holidays, just the four of us, mom, dad and sister. It was cozy and relaxed. Significantly easier than traveling to see extended family in the winter.

But now that I am older, I have had experiences with other people’s families. I see we were missing a connection, not just with people but with the past. I became a chef, because I loved to create and have new experiences, not because I cooked with family at home.

When I am in the kitchen, I have realized that I get to start all of my family traditions. It’s fun to create this, but I feel like something is missing. Both of my grandmothers left home while still in their teens before they were married. Due to economic reasons…